Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
high people should be assigned attendants
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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