At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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