I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
