it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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