I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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