I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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