i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
