I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
