so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
