Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
