I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
