im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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