i just had sex bonerless
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
