I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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