happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
