So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
