i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
