addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
