Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
