That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
