yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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