Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
