soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
