i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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