Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
