hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
