is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
