smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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