my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
