I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
