I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
