tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
