she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's the barista slut.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
