Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
