i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
