I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
