Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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