Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
