Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
