Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
