yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
