A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
