Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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