When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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