I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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