at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You left your underwear on the fireplace
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
