Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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