your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
