Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
