im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
