Can i not drive my cunt home
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
