I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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