From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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