Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
People in love make me want to vomit
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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