It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
