Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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