btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
