there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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