So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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