Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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