Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...