She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.