I'm jealous of your bromance
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
