What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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