I wish i was in the wii world.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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