I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
