Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
