i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
