I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
