Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
