I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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