Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
