Sponge bath it is.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
