haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
