somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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