last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
