Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
