he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
