Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
