thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
